i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
