So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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