i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
