I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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