you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
