It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Kiss
Puke
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
