his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
