I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
