Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
