How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
