He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
