I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
