cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So apparently I’m into choking now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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