im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
