if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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