he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
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