please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
