apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
