I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize