he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
