i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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