New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize