I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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