you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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