i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
