I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
