If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
