Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize