All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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