Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
