At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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