Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
