Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize