There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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