you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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