Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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