Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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