worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
