Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
