i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
