So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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