I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
