Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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