ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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