yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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