yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
