your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
