I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
