She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
