The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
