I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
