its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
