the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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