she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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