Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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