I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my being single is dangerous.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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