Duck Duck Cougar?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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