I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
