1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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