Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
