I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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