She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
