The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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