Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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