the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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