Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
