i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
