I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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