Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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