I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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