If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
