So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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