Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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