Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
